I honestly love people, but
I limit the amount of personal time that I spend with them. This probably
sounds like a contradiction, but I have been the party guy, and I have been the
work guy. I have been the socialite, and I have been the recluse.
The less time that I spend
with other people, the better I feel, and the more I can get done. I was
planning on writing this a while ago and I didn't want to, because I felt that
it was not motivating for others, but it keeps coming up, so, I thought, why
not?
People are around us all the
time. Where we work, where we travel and when we go out. Life is about other
people. Do not be fooled for a second. Everything revolves around others.
We all have our own lives,
problems, and things that we need to do by the end of the day, but what really
does not help the situation is having a toxic person that DIRECTLY tries to
make negative influences in your life.
I have spoken to many people
about this, I have dealt with this in my own life and I know of so many people
that deal with this daily. I will be covering why, how, and how to
stop these situations.
Please note that I am a writer
and I generalize. I know there are millions of scenarios out there, and I do
not have a million different perspectives, but I will share what has worked for
me.
There are different types of toxic people, and their behavior is what is
being highlighted here.
Why do they do it?
The most common reasons are boredom,
no life outside of work, they do not know where they are heading, they have a chip
on their shoulders, they feel insecure, or they enjoy gossip and spreading it.
There are plenty of more reasons discussed below.
List of toxic people:
Attention whores:
You will find many of them need to be the center of
attention, need a compliment, need to be popular and need to stand out. Their
'power' comes from feeding off other people’s energy.
The attention seeking is
the light of their lives. It gives them something to fill that gap that they
are missing. The issue usually comes in, when you are not interested in
entertaining them.
Be wary of this, because they will make sure that they bug
you until you give them some of your time and energy. If you have already been
feeding this person with time and energy then all-of-a-sudden stop.
Notice when
this person becomes nasty and turns other people against you. They use their
'popularity' to make things uncomfortable for you.
Fake friends that are
friends with everyone:
These are friends just so that they can fish for
information. They will be nice to you but are also nice to everyone. They will
pretend to be nice, make friends with you, get close to you so that they can
see how you live and then share your story with the world.
These people do this
because they want to be a part of a friendship that no one else could get
right, and then share it with the rest. Be wary of them, they act as if they
are a friend but gossip about all their other friends to try to win your trust.
What good is a friend to everyone that badmouths every person that they are
friends with? The cool kids: The young, party people with large mouths and do
nothing attitudes.
They think that they are entitled to everything, complain
all the time behind closed doors, but will not stand and do something about it.
They are cool and nothing is good unless they are in it.
All that they want is
something for nothing and live to be the best yet do nothing to earn respect.
Love attention, act as if they are poor, but will not work for their money.
Watch out for the cool kids.
If you are not in their circle, then you are
nothing. Apparently.
The socialites:
Always throwing events, parties, and
cannot be alone for a minute. These people travel in packs and need others to
survive the workplace. They live to party, bully people in groups and only talk
to worthy people.
These are my favorite kind. Invitations from them are a
godsend. Therefore, you have to go; otherwise, they never want to speak to you
again. They put you in uncomfortable situations, make you look stupid and enjoy
bullying.
There is nothing worse than rejecting them. The condescending one:
This know-it-all is a walking Google search engine. She/he knows everything
that has ever happened and is never wrong.
They love humiliation, being
condescending to people and are selfish in nature. They are the center of their
universe and if it does not directly concern them, then forget speaking to
them.
These lovely people are snakes that pretend to be your friend, only to
bite you in the ass when you are not looking. Do not be fooled by these people.
The way you speak to people ALWAYS matters. We all have angry moments, but when
someone constantly bashes someone, then that is abuse, and it is wrong.
Do not
fall into the trap of being their victim.
The never-ending victim:
This person
can have the best day out of everyone and still end up being the one that is
complaining the most. These people live-off sympathy, others helping them and
drama. They love attention with a twist.
Their love for making you feel sorry
for them is so great that people end up helping them. You will find them to be
negative, angry, moody, stubborn and selfish. Watch out for them, because they
will turn you into one of their projects.
This means listening to their
venting, their anger and always having to help them with things that they can
already do.
How do I deal with these people?
Each person is different, their
work is different and the people are different. It is difficult to say what
each person could do because of so many scenarios, but here are a few things
that you can do for yourself to make it easier to handle.
1. Separate work from
private life
Get rid of the unnecessary drama,
start by being a working professional. Do not fall into the trap of socializing with your
colleagues on a personal level or feeding them more information than they need
to know.
You work with them. They do not need to hear your life story, you do
not need to get drunk with them or spend personal time with them. Get to the
point of realizing there is 'work' and then there are pleasures, and they do
not need to be mixed.
If people get defensive because you do not go out with
them, then be nice and tell them that you have other commitments. It is not
about being blunt or rude.
It is about separating your private time from your
work time. You should start by gently declining.
People can read between the
lines. Sometimes, it is the way that it is done that gets to people. If it does
become a bigger thing, then sit down, and simply tell them that you like to
separate your work from your private life.
If they cannot take it after that,
then that is their problem.
2. Limit your speaking time
You have a job to do and
you are there to meet the company's goals. Spend more time on work and less
socializing with your colleagues. It is nice to have friends at work to make it
easier, but it can backfire on you.
Remember the task. It is nice to work in a
positive environment and to get on with everyone. This does not mean that they
need to know every detail of your personal life.
Stop opening yourself up to
people that you work with unless you know that you can trust them with your
life. Too many people spend time making friends at work and then that person
leaves. Do you hear from them again? Not really.
Life is not a team sport. The
person's next to you, if given the chance will use anything necessary to get
ahead of you to get the next promotion. Never forget that.
3. Let your actions
do the speaking
While the others talk, work. While the other's party, work.
When they all complain, work. Do the work, shut up, and do the best that you
can. People will realize that you are there to work, to get somewhere and to be
someone.
Some will try to distract you, disrupt you, cause trouble for you, but
keep your eye on the work. Keep working and doing your job. If they pay you to
go out and drink. Go. If they pay you to make friends, then make friends. Just
do not give out your personal information.
Put your head down, drown out the
distractions and get to it. If you really want to stop toxic people, then you
need to stop giving them the opportunities to create more venom.
4. Change your
focus
Got toxic people around you? Change your environment. You
cannot change the environment? Then change the way you are looking at it. If it
is a bad situation, then you have a problem, and you need to find a solution.
Go from the problem to the solution. Create that solution.
Toxic environments can create
the biggest breakthroughs. Do you know why? It can take you to the edge, and
you will find a way to out or you will fall.
The way you deal with it will make
or break you. Change your mindset, and ask how you can get out of it. Realize
that you can blame them, but ultimately you are the CEO of your life, and you
need to decide on how to solve your own problem.
Solve it by talking, change jobs, change seats, or take it up
with your manager. There has to be something that you can do to solve the
issue. You cannot change other people. You can only change yourself.
Your
mindset, your aims, your direction, your thoughts, and your words. Create a way
out of the toxic environment, and into a conducive one.
The
no-nonsense approach:
1. do not worry about their nonsense. It is their
nonsense.
2. Ignore them.
3. Spend as little time as possible around their bad
vibes
4. Need to be around them? Just be yourself.
5. Tell them to mind their
business!
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